Why aren't you getting your Ph.D. again?

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking with my friend Ashley about why I wasn’t getting my Ph.D. I have a lot of reasons, but the one I focused on at that point was that I don’t feel like I have the ability to do serious literary research. We had just left UT, and we were looking at the analytical papers we are revising for our final portfolios (a requirement for graduation). My paper had a few comments on it—not a lot—and the two that really stuck out to me were “You have no thesis” and “REALLY? That is the crappiest conclusion I have ever read” (or something like that). Ashley told me that despite these comments, which were not the first of their kind although perhaps the first of their tone, I really could write at that level. And then I told her to shut up. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to hear it, or because I thought she was just saying it to make me feel better (Ashley does not lie or even avoid the truth), that I said it. At that point, I could have been convinced to try to go on in my studies. I was feeling a little like I had the last semester of my undergrad, which is when I applied for grad school the first time. When I hit this “Oh GOD am I going to have to work at McDonalds? Will THEY even hire me?” time right before graduation, I am more and more willing to continue with school. Today, the world decided to remind me of the other big reason I have for not going on in school. I hate being poor. I know that I still may be poor when I graduate, but I will be less poor, even if I work two minimum wage jobs to equal 40 hours a week. What reminded me is that I had to get my rear brake pads and rotors replaced and my front brake pads. I also need to replace my tires. It will be a lot of money. I do not have a lot of money. My stipend doesn’t pay all of my bills and I don’t think I live that extravagantly. My two “treats” are cable and food. I pamper myself with them. I don’t think that is excessive. Of course my mother yelled at me for using my loan to pay today. My question is what was my option? It isn’t like I don’t need brakes! I have been putting off all of the semi-unnecessary maintenance like shocks and the oil leak. Some people think clothes are a necessity, but I don’t buy new clothes, even though the bottoms of my jeans are all ratty and I have stains on my shirts. What could I cut out to make it possible to pay for this? I know! My Ph.D.