The Beginning

This is the second week of my final semester in graduate school. Somehow I failed to realize quite how stressful it would be. When I scheduled the four classes I am taking—on top of teaching a new class--, I didn’t really think about the fact that I would also be seriously looking for a job. Yesterday, it really sank in. I began emailing previous bosses asking for letters of recommendation and/or permission to use them as references and considering what I really want to do when I graduate. The problem is that I really don’t know. I once asked a professor (when considering going on to pursue my MA in English) how I was supposed to be sure that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. He told me that he still didn’t know that he wanted to be a professor for the rest of his life, that no one ever really knows. Things change. His advice hasn’t really sunk in. I am still questioning myself. “Can I do this for the rest of my life? Should I get my Ph.D.?” “What about teaching English on the high school level?” “Should I just find any job with benefits and work on my writing?” On one level I know that I need to step back and just find a job even though it might not be perfect. On another I am drawn to perfection despite the fact it doesn’t exist. What can I do?